The Habits That Hold Us Back, and How to Let Them Go

Have you ever felt like there is an invisible force that does not allow you to accomplish your goals? That force is usually our defects of character, habits and attitudes that inhibit growth in the individual.

This article takes inspiration from the teachings of Bill P., Todd Weber and other spiritual teachers.

I want to summarize the key ideas that can be helpful to you as well.

Finding What Holds You Back

We all have defects and habits that hold us back. The things that drag us behind in growing as individuals are some of the characteristics, like anger, fear, pride, ego and jealousy. Most of us drag along these heavy patterns. The first step towards freedom is to realize what these patterns are.

Pay attention to the emotions that bring the most problems to your life. Maybe you think people do not care about your thoughts, which is why you are always anxious. Or, you may be in the habit of inviting thoughts to dispute an opinion because you always want to be right. Those are the patterns holding you back.

Personally, I found my pattern to be ‘perfectionism.’ I feared making mistakes and would take hours to do minute work. By giving this pattern a name, I could now see how heavy it was and how much it kept me away from happiness. To assist you in applying this to your own life, spend ten minutes tonight and write a list of all the negative and self-defeating patterns you notice in yourself. It can be really empowering.

It Is All About Comprehending the Harm

There are usually some reasons why we do not choose to let these habits go. It can be that we cannot see the benefits of doing so. We may even feel that these habits are good. Fear, for example, might seem to be protecting us, and in most cases, being in control might seem to be a requirement. But the reverse is the case; these habits expose us to the challenges we are trying to preemptively address.

The best illustration of how a habit affects a human being is perfectionism, speaking from personal experience. My uncompromising attitude towards personal standards did not pay off; instead, it exhausted and disillusioned me. It also influenced my friendships because I was adamant in declaring everyone imperfect. Now, to practice what you have learned, take one of the so-called protective behaviors you have. Now ask yourself: What has this protective behavior cost me? Has it been protective in the long term or made life even more difficult?

Being Ready to the End

Another step in the recovery process involves being fully prepared to have character defects removed. This is not about attaining perfection, but that the word willingness is essential here. So many of us are caught between two extremes. On the one hand, they feel out of control with their identity; on the other hand, the defects remind them that they exist.

To want to be ready is to give up hope of comfort. Imagine you are standing on the edge of a diving board. You are confident on the surface but not sure, and you have no committed feelings.

When I was ready to address my perfectionism fully, the only thing that came to my mind was that I would be a different person; I would be worse.

Humility is Power

We ask for help with the humility not to think any less of ourselves but to think less about ourselves and where we fit in the world, which is called “right-sizing your place.”

Humility acknowledges that there is no omniscience. Admitting that one can receive assistance through a higher power, wise acquaintances, or professionals is all real guidance. Humility allows us to accept assistance where pride would force us to do everything on our own.

The support of friends and a therapist allowed me to stop being a perfectionist. I now actively exercise humility by requesting aid in completing small tasks that no one would think twice about doing. I have found it to be a very freeing experience. Remember that strength lies in the ability to ask questions instead of trying to do it all on your own.

Letting Go of Resentments

Holding grudges is one of the heaviest habits people can put on their backs. Although grudges might appear as a form of self-protection, it is nothing but drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.

Start by writing down your resentments, examining your role in the narrative, and burning them. This does not excuse the bad action, but it does release the shackles that hold you.

I have been bitter toward a previous employer. I did not notice how much energy that resentment was draining until I listed my feelings. Do you remember someone you hate? Write down the reasons, and then ask yourself, “How is this serving me?” When you are ready, attempt the following: write a letter explaining how you feel, and burn it in an act of letting go without formally sending the letter.

How to Conquer Fear

Numerous other defects are caused by fear. We dominate because we are in fear; people-pleasing is done out of fear of rejection. Anger is used to show that there is a fear of vulnerability.

The general anxiety is more difficult to address than particular fears. Naming specific worries, though, allows us to face the frightening challenges directly. This may result in their complete exorcism.

Criticism usually involves my perfectionism. After recognizing this fear, I was in a better position to face it. One way to do this is to write down three of your fears. In both cases, think of the worst that can happen. How probable is that? What could I do, in a case where it did? The fear can be reduced by answering the following questions.

The Psychological Gains of Achievement

I started to realize perfectionism in me during a five-minute evening review. This awareness helped me to be more self-conscious each time it occurred again. To practice this, you can spend thirty seconds each day thinking about what you have done and setting a reminder to do this daily.

Ask, “What was the most comfortable moment? What was the moment that could cause me the greatest unrest? What does that mean?” Such questions will make things a lot clearer.

Converting Defects to Assets

Removing defects is not enough, as this leaves a vacuum. We must substitute that bad quality with a positive one. In addition to dropping anger, one should also learn to be patient. Giving up control is an act of trust-building.

Consciously practice the opposite behavior of each defect. This does not mean doing it right every time, but it is about improvement.

To do this, choose a positive trait that you want to develop. It may be as easy as empathy, integrity, or bravery. Set a very specific mini-goal to practice it everyday.

Life in the Solution

The overall lesson we have been taught is that letting go of these habits is not a one-time thing but a form of lifestyle. Although it implies a purposeful start to the day, it does not mean going on autopilot.

Start your day with a good intention and do not jump into the to-do list. To do this, set aside some time every day and ask yourself, “How do I want to show up every day? What is the most important task at hand?” This exercise reminds you to move away from problems and toward possibilities.

Community is Everything

We cannot let go of these habits in isolation. Change in character does indeed occur in a community. By sharing with others, we give insight, accountability, and encouragement.

In my case, it was easier to come to terms with perfectionism when talking to my close friends because they did not ignore the aspects of me being too hard on myself. To use this lesson, pick one person (not many!), and ask them to tell you honesty about your flaws. Tell them one you are working on and need help with.

Time is a critical component of personal change. We work with one layer and then discover that there is another layer beneath it. It is not failure but growth.

Becoming is not being.

Any form of self-improvement is complicated, at least in my case as a perfectionist. I still follow these standards, but now, I am on the way to recovery. I do this by rewarding myself with small milestones in what I am doing. For example, thinking to not linger on the negative, repetitive loops or getting out of them faster than before are all significant progress.

We do not have to be stuck. Acknowledging these habits will be the first step towards willful change, enabling us to take persistent action towards freedom that we never thought possible. The future might not be easy, but as many have already shown, it can be highly fulfilling.