Cultivating Positive Relationship Habits
When enlightening intentions are deliberately set in an intimate partnership, they can be referred to as issues arise. This opportunity provides the creative impetus for safely investigating our emotional needs and old patterns, with agreements acting as the glue that holds the container together. In this context, it is useful to cultivate some conscious habits of relating for honoring intentions or revising them. According to Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, these include truth-telling, clear communication, and expressing appreciation. As more and more positive energy is generated, it is important to work with the way it flows through the body, and movement and touch are important for opening new channels for this energy. A description of these useful habits is listed below:

Practicing Emotional Honesty
Deliberate setting of a safe arena, or agreed-upon way, for feeling and expressing feelings: It can be threatening for us to reveal our true feelings based on past experiences. Thus, expressing our fear of being rejected by our partner for having concerns, in the moment, is really useful. It starts the process of engaging our partner’s empathetic attention, and helps to create safer dialoguing. Expressing the need for personal space and time away can be threatening as well, so one can express that fear in the same way.

Staying “emotionally current:” One of the problems in all close relationships is one of failing to keep abreast of the emotional climate. We cycle through many ways of being and feeling, so the habit of “checking in” and giving full attention to one another, even briefly, can help keep the communication vibrant and alive.

Communicating Clearly
Asking for what we want in a clear way: The ability to communicate in ways that are effective and clear has not been well-taught to us. We may have been taught politeness, but many other factors can be explored for effective communication. One of them is to make requests in a non-threatening way, starting with, “Would you be willing to” and then being clear about what that would be.

Accessing deeper levels of truth-telling: Because we have oftentimes been punished for knowing and speaking the truth regarding what we feel and need, it is important to give ourselves permission to be “beginners” in developing the skills for clear communication. As problematic issues arise, the more usual level of expressing ourselves will tend to contain blame, defense and judgment versus stating the naked truth about how we are feeling. If the intention has been set for more positive energy to be exchanged, then a more direct level of truth will bring about a more expansive healing.

Expressing Appreciation
Expanding our appreciation consciousness: Very often we take for granted many helpful things that our partners do, or their good qualities. We don’t stop to notice them, and consequently we are unconscious of them without intending to be. Yet if we cultivate the habit of finding pleasure in those things, without setting them up as expectations, it becomes a joy to be in relationship. Verbally expressing our appreciation on a daily basis in a genuine way will automatically add more positive energy to the relationship, even in such simple ways as thanking someone for being willing to cook the dinner or wash the dishes.

Reinforcing appreciation in the mirroring process: As discussed earlier, the gift that intimate partnership can bestow is to help us perceive the wounds needing healing in ourselves with self-love. As we become aware of our emotional projections and process them through enlightening intentions that have been set, the very act of honoring the experience as valuable and appreciating our partner as a spiritual teacher for us can foster a great deal of positive energy exchange. This helps take the relationship to increasingly higher levels, which expands our boundaries more and more.

Opening Physical Channels
The need for touch: As more and more positive energy is generated, it is important to become aware of our expanded boundaries. Grounding this energy through healing touch or massage with our partners is important, as well as spontaneous demonstrations of affection such as hugging. The power of silence in conjunction with tactile contact can take partners into realms of deep peace when they are united through enlightening relationship processes.

Moving energy through the body: Aerobic workouts, dancing, and outdoor activities help us work with the flow of positive energy when it is increased. Creative, expressive movement can put us in touch with the primal forces flowing through us and give us insight into deeper aspects of our emotional self. In this way, our sexual relationships can also be enriched.

Course Continued…