You know – each of us has own personal history distinguish from history of others and coincidentally same as history of others. Everyone was born totally in same way as others and everyone came here totally alone even one of twins. Can you tell all and everything about your personal history? I do not believe in this, it is impossible. Even each day is endless when you lookup. Therefore we are free to take any points from very many days of many years of long life. So I was born. I am not joking – it happened and I am happy about this happening. Do you know how many people were not born? If you don’t, it is easy to know. – Just count how many attempts to make baby we do and how many kids we really have.
I was growing up as sensitive child. My family and people around named it spoiled child. I was not spoiled and I did not know I am sensitive, because nobody told me it. However when I became teenager I started to see I am aware of something more than other. I decided it is no good – people must be equal and I began to smoke and drink vodka as almost all my classmates did. I liked it but my family did not. So I use to live between my family Scylla and my street friends Charybdis. To be in this non balanced position is pretty odd. You must digest it somehow. I wrote verses to go through this oddness, to transform it and same time I worked as mechanical engineer to live.
One thing became clear to me one day. – All people are sensitive, each one is sensitive in one’s personal way. We all are really equal and we distinguish, we all are different. And there is no contradiction here, is it? Well, how is possible not to nervous here, not to worry? How to live in the world of so different people, men, women, etc… Oh my God! So I had to write verses to survive. And I use to wish to be better adapted to the life. Probably I did it as any introvert does – we usually watch within ourselves and point our own troubles only. Pretty soon I noticed that all people around are adapted to their lives not good enough too. It was sad and again I had to write and I wrote and wrote. One day one more idea came into my skull. At first it sounded as if question. Maybe we can live as we write, and play our own life somehow like we write poesy?
Now my personal story accidentally meet the history of USSR. The “perestroyka” happens. Before 1985 we could not have any property but personal stuff only like toothbrush and had no right to run any business even non-for-profit. I had already changed my job gradually from work with things as engineer to work with human beings as psychologist and with my new friends and new colleagues established association “Mental Culture”. We did not know good enough what it mean, but we liked how it sounds. We invited all sorts of teachers, guru and masters from across the country. We were interested in the field of human life and all around human being.
The visitors trained and teach us many curious points of this field – from Buddhism or Carl Jung’s psychology till massage and Qigong. I did not miss any meeting. I wanted to train myself as was said by author of “Doctor Zhivago” – “And leave omissions to be captured In destiny, not text, and strive To mark across the margins chapters And scenes from an entire life.” Easy to say hard to do, but it is still possible. Everyone can learn this technique. At least everyone can control the reverberation of one’s speech and talk something intellectual with reverberation of mental, cranial cavity of own body, something soulful with reverberation of heart, thoracic cavity and something vital with reverberation of biotic, abdominopelvic cavity of one’s body.
One day you will know about this in detail by your request. I believe.